About 8 years ago mum, my 2 sisters and I went 2nd
hand shopping. I found what I thought was the coolest top ever. It had red and
white stripes and a scoop neck. It was a little big for me but I loved it. So
against my mother’s judgment (she thought the stripes ran in the wrong
direction for me) I bought it. I wore it for a few weeks and then my older
sister started with the jokes. She called a pirate or a candy cane every time I
wore it and told me it made me look fat. It took about a month before I stopped
wearing it all together. A year and a half later while cleaning out my clothes
I gave the top to my younger siblings so they could have a new pirate top for
dressing up. The top went from my favourite top to my least favourite in a
short space of time. I don’t think my sister realised how much people’s words
impacted me.
From the time I started primary school I was a lot smaller
than the other kids and was more reserved. They all realised that I was
‘different’. I don’t remember exactly when the bullying started but it did. I
had almost no friends. I remember the time I spent my lunch times talking on my
walky-talky with my dolls at home or playing with my imaginary puppy. I could
defiantly say that I did not agree with the say ‘sticks and stones may break my
bones but words will never hurt me’ I would have much preferred the sticks and
stones and the broken bones because they heal after a short time, words, well
they can heal but it takes much longer. My sister never understood this impact.
She tried to help me one time by telling off a boy who was teasing her because
of our last name. She told the teacher, the teacher told the boy off and then
the whole class thought it was me who told. The bullying got way worse. By the
time I finished primary school I was so glad to go that I didn’t shed a single
tear on my last day.
I was the first person when I got to high school to move off
and find new friends. The kids from primary school always commented on how it
was because I thought I was ‘better’ then them, when really it was because they
never really had anything to do with me to start with other then to bully me,
who wouldn’t want to move on. I found a new group of girls ones that were
mostly in my classes and became friends with them. Till this day we are still
friends. I grew as a person through this time. I came to understand that being
an individual was more important then what other people said. The bullying
began to stop and when it did occur it stopped hurting as much. I can’t say
that things people say I can get rid of all together but having friends and
people who remind you not to listen to them really does help.
2 months ago, at Halloween, my brothers and cousins were
playing in the dress up box. They had spread the clothes all around the hall
and their room. Lying in the hallway at the top of the pile was my stripy
T-shirt. 5 years later and it still looked the same. I picked it up and wore it
to school the next day (yes I haven’t grown that much in the past 7 years). All
my friends commented on how cool it was. Suddenly I realised that it didn’t matter
what people thought, if I liked it why did it matter. It has become one of my
favourite tops again. I now no longer let people tell me how horrible I look in
it and the candy cane and pirate thing doesn’t get at me anymore.
The other day my sister
told me I looked like a candy cane. I turned around and told her that it was no
longer a funny joke. I care about what people think about me, but I care more
about what I think about me. If it makes me look fat, then let it. I don’t care
anymore. Why should I let someone else dictate what I wear, how I feel, what
music I listen to or what I eat? It’s my life and I am finally going to start
living it.
No comments:
Post a Comment