Afraid?

I wish that I wasn't so afraid of things.

for example: I am scared of heights, I'm scared of spiders. I hate chalk and chalk boards so much it can be classified as a fear. silly thinks to be afraid of right? but i can't help it but it would make life easier if I wasn't

But at the moment... I wish I wasn't afraid to be me. To show the world who I really am. Maybe its because I don't know who I am that I am afraid of it. or maybe I do but I'm scared of everyone's reaction. I wish I had the courage to stand up for myself. I really wish that for all my silliness of calling myself amazing... that I actually believed it. 

My fear is rooted in my past. things that happened in primary school and high school. I thought I had moved on. but apparently not. I feel like I have to live up to someone's expectations. Mostly my parents expectations. I know they love me for who I am... but I know that they are disappointed in me. 

I wish that I was able to live up to the expectations. but I am not perfect. I have never pretended to be... but for some reason... people still think I should be. 

I am sick of everyone expecting me to be someone I am not. Expecting me to know what is going on all the time. and yet when I am wrong or lost or slightly confused... people mock me and call me stupid and other stuff

maybe my fear is of people and peoples opinions. all in all I guess what I am trying to say is... Be nice, Be careful what you say and do. little things could trigger someone off at the slightest push. I mean look at me....